…short update…

Well, I still haven’t fixed my truck transmission. However, I have cleaned out the garage, built two workbenches, and organized everything - so at least I have space to start fixing it. That project is coming closer and closer. Of course, not driving it has been great. However, I have enjoyed the savings in gas from not driving the truck. It’s been a year to the month, and I used to spend almost $200/mo in gas to drive the truck. So, the transmission is essentially paid for in gas savings.

Let’s see, other news… ummm… oh, yeah - I had shingles in late July and most of August. That was loads of fun. I couldn’t ride my bike for three and a half weeks. I finally started riding my bike again after the shingles cleared up, and then I sprained my right knee. So, I’m waiting for that to heal up. I pulled my MCL, the ligament on the inner side of my knee. I’ll be getting an x-ray and an MRI this week to see if there is any other damage. But, still can’t ride the bike.

I finished my chemistry class. I only have one class left to get my degree. I haven’t started it yet. I’m thinking early next year. Too much other stuff going on, and this last class, Calculus II, will be the hardest one.

I’m getting my pilot license. I’ve had 4 flights so far. This is something I should have done years and years ago. So much fun. Amazing. Possibly a backup plan for after I retire from the Navy.

I have quit trying to maintain contact with my daughter2 (lives in Georgia with my ex). My ex was awful. She absolutely drove the poor girl to tears every time I called. She had to have me on the speaker phone, and would only say what her mom was telling her to say. What a bunch of crap. So, I was never even talking to her, I was really talking to my ex. The emotional strain was horrible. She doesn’t need that kind of pressure and conflict. I finally decided that she would be better off if I just never called… Anything anyone will say about how I am not trying hard enough or doing the right things did not see what was happening. I’d rather she grow up hating me and thinking I gave up than suffer the constant emotional abuse from her mother. As far as karma goes, I’m sure this will come back to bite later. This will be a big old karma sandwich I’ll have to choke down. My only hope is that after she is out on her own, I can make contact and start repairs to the relationship. If not, I’ll have to live with that.

Other than that? Well, I’ve been sober for over 17 months now. Not a drink. After you balance the ledger with the good and the bad, the balance comes out that I’m doing good…

…in case you haven’t seen it…

Here’s a pic of my bike.

…at least I know I can always pedal the melancholy away… (forced half grin)

Oh, other changes I eluded to in the last post? I’m still persuing my degree. Finished a couple more classes. C++ and Technical Writing. I have two classes left. General Chemistry and Calculus II. Then I’ll have my BSAST. Pretty cool. Don’t know when I’m going to take the CalcII, but it will be this year. My Chemistry class starts next week.

Still haven’t fixed my truck transmission. I like riding the bike too much. I am aware of my laziness and if I fix the truck, I likely will drive the truck. Still haven’t sold it either. Hmmmm. Spent a little money fixing up my Jeep. It is still not running either, but it is closer than it was. It’s been a three year project (so far).

I got into HAM radio at the start of the year. I took and passed my Technician class exam in January, then the General class exam in February. With the code requirements removed, I am now a General Class HAM radio operator. Got a cheap handheld, a Yaesu FT-60R. Works pretty good.

Haven’t played much poker. I have noticed that the less I play, the worse I play when I do play.

Other than that, check out my new blog over at back2dabike to see what I’ve been up to.

http://back2dabike.wordpress.com

Mahalo.

…catching up…

Well, it’s been awhile. I started this when I was working through some issues and this was a good outlet to discuss issues and thoughts in ‘private’. Ironic, I know. In doing all that, you can see in some of my previous posts, I bought a bicycle.

Life changing.

I hadn’t realized how much I missed riding until I got back on the saddle. As far as hobbies go, this one has overtaken most of my more minor obsessions and has left me with more focused goals, for the better.

Other changes? Well, x-wife moved back to mainland, and sure enough - I haven’t heard from daughter2 except when the ex wanted something. No calls. Won’t talk when I call. No cards. No thank-you’s for the cards I send. And visitation? ha. The ex has ‘coincidentally’ scheduled my sweet girl’s summer full of activities and camps and clubs so that I would be a real monster (her words) to take her away from those just so I could selfishly (her words) see my daughter for a few weeks. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, I could take legal action. Yeah, there is more to it. Nah, I’m not going to spend 5 pages talking about it all here.

Work is good. My weight is better. And I’m happier.

On to the selfish reason for updating this blog… I have a new one. Just for my biking.

http://back2dabike.wordpress.com/

To sound cliche, you can see the new me there…

Oh, other updates… over a year now without a drop of alcohol, and much better for it! Still fanatically addicted to coffee, though.

…missing…

…so, I miss my Roomba.  We got it several months ago and he worked great.  We named him Mr. Crabs, like from Spongebob.  He stopped charging.  Thought it was the battery, based on charger indications so I ordered a new $50 battery.  Same problem.  So, I shipped it back to iRobot for a warranty exchange.  Can’t wait to get a robot vacuum back.  It was really nice to have.

Well, daughter1 and I went to dinner the other night.  I know, I know - just the two of us!  Don’t pass out… it was a really pleasant evening.  We had sushi and ice cream.  She never eats sushi.  She actually tried some things she didn’t think she’d like.  She even helps out around the house more consistently.  Not a lot, but anything is an improvement.  She still spends most of her time in her room watching tv or sleeping while I’m home and awake.  But there’s been some invisible wall that has slowly weathered away over the last couple of months.

But, then the dad in me has to go back to being a dad.  I let her try out a new kids online chat site the other day.  She had some friends that use it, so I looked at it and said she could go there.  Last night, I caught her chatting about rough sex stuff with some Jake kid (guy?).  He was telling her he likes cuffs and whips, etc.  She maintains that she wasn’t ‘cybering’, because he was just telling her what he likes, and they weren’t discussing or engaging in it online.  What kind of line is that?!  I haven’t done anything other than tell her that any discussion of sex practices online is wrong and will get her banned from the site and grounded from the computer.

Oh, and I have started having login problems to some sites like email.  Related?  Ran Ad-aware.  Nothing showed.

…stupid survey…

Lame-Stupid-Random Survey
Basics
Name::
Birthplace::
Birthdate::
Current City of Residence::
Family Members::
Favorites
Color::	Red
Beverage::	Water
Movie::	Heartbreak Ridge
Musical::	Jesus Christ Superstar
Board Game::	Pente
Computer Game::	Halo
Game to Roleplay::	?
Animal::	dont know…
Sport::	Darts
Book::	Illusions
A Day In The Life..
School::	Online courses
Typical Mood::	Somber
Usually Found?::	On a computer
Collects::	Shotglasses
Have You Ever
Been kissed::	Yes
Done drugs::	No
Eaten an entire box of Oreos:	No
Eaten sushi::	Yes. Love it!
Been on stage::	Yes. In Vegas even!
Been in a car accident::	Yes
This or That
Cold or Hot::	Cold
Blue or Red::	Red
Rain or Snow::	Rain
Wool or Cotton::	Cotton
Private or Public School::	?
Chocolate or Plain Milk::	Neither
Celsius or Farenheit::	F
Spring or Fall::	Fall
Science or History::	Science
Math or English::	Neither
“Love Life”
Do you like somebody?::	Yes
Do they know?::	Not sure
Do you want them?::	Yes, but no
Are they hot?::	Probably
Random
Who do you e-mail the most?:	See above
Who do you IM the most?:	no one
Who are you talking to now?::	?
Are you currently in love?::	Yes
Is this survey lame?::	Passes time
Isn’t bzoink! nifty? =) ::	?
In 24 hours have you…
…Showered?::	Yes
…Had a serious talk?::	Yes
…Hugged someone?::	No
…Gotten along with your parents?::	Yes
…Fought with a friend?::	No
…Done something kind for someone?:	No
Do You Like To…
Give hugs?::	No
Give back rubs?::	No
Take walks in the rain?::	Yes
Cook?::	Yes
Eat?::	Yes
Sleep?::	Yes
Who..?
..Knows you the best?::	God or Satan, not sure
..Have you known the longest?::	See ‘Love Life’
..Do you know the most about?::	No one… everybody changes
..Do you consider your friend?::	Shane
..Is most likely to end up in jail?::	My ex
..Can you go to with your problems?::	An anonymous blog, or my wife
..Do you want to get to know better?::	no one
..Do you spend the most time with?::	my wife
Have You…
..Been to a concert?::	yes
..Loved someone so much it made you cry?::	yes
..Cheated on a test?::	yes
..Ever stalked someone?::	yes
..Done something you regret?::	yes
..Been in an online relationship?::	no
Random Questions
Single or Hooked?::	hooked
What is your worst habit?::	alcoholism
Scariest moment?::	?
Do you swear too much?::	yes
How do you feel about homosexuality?::	not sure
Where are you right now?::	work
Are you sitting by anyone?::	no
What song are you listening to?::	none
What is the last thing you said?::	It’s still raining
What’s on your mousepad?::	a mouse
What are the last four digits of your phone number?::	3911
What was the last thing you ate?::	cliff energy bar
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?::	?
How many buddies do you have on your list?::	none
What’s the weather like right now?::	raining
What do you feel like doing?::	staring at the wall
What is your favorite quote?::	better well done than well said
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

OINK.COM SURVEY CODE>

…catching up…

…so it’s been awhile since I posted… last one was 1st week of July.

Well, still no drinking or smoking or carbonated beverages. Still drinking a lot of coffee. Still hate my life, just not as much. Things are improving. Slowly. But improving.

I woke up totally depressed this morning. Can’t seem to shake it. I write here when I’m troubled and depressed. So, that should mean that the last few months have been better. And they have, mostly. Here’s the quick rundown on the ups and downs:

Still biking. In fact I did 50 miles in the Honolulu Century Ride in Sept! Logging about 200 miles a month on the bike between commuting and weekend rides. I’ve started planning a bicycling tour of the big island next spring. I haven’t found anyone who is interested in going yet. I’m still trying to develop a new network of friends who share biking as an interest. By that I mean, I … well … ok, so I’m not trying. I enjoy riding by myself mostly.

The X-wife and x-best friend and all the kids moved to Georgia in early Sept. I miss seeing my daughter, but the move will be better in the long run for all involved. My wife is less stressed about having to see the X all the time at the store and driving around.

My wife and I are doing slightly better. She did the MediFast thing for about 2 weeks. It was rough, but she lost about 10 lbs. Then she quit the diet. We still sleep in seperate rooms. She sleeps with the baby in the baby’s room. The baby used to sleep with us, but wouldn’t sleep the whole night. I say baby, but she’s already 19 months old. Point is, I convinced my wife that the baby should sleep in her own room. We can use a baby monitor and everything. So, she does now. So does my wife. It was depressing for a couple months, but I’m used to it now. Once in a while, she will come and lay down with me for an hour or two until the baby stirs. And she is still breastfeeding. The baby is huge. She’s tall and big and can say basic words. It gets creepy (to me) when a child can get up from her toys, walk across the room, climb into my wifes lap, pull my wifes shirt down, say “milk.milk.milk”, and go to town. But I’m an a**hole and have issues with nurturing because I don’t think that’s normal. So, I should get counseling. More counseling. There’s more on similar subjects, but I have a lot to cover here…

My daughter1 and I are getting along better. I walked into the living room last week, and she didn’t get up and leave. After about 20 minutes, SHE started a conversation with me! I couldn’t believe it. She still ignores me on the days that matter, just to make sure I don’t think she actually cares. My birthday was on the 3rd. Neither my daughter or my wife got me anything or said happy birthday. I bought my own cake that night. They went to different rooms to eat theirs. My wife did give me a card that said something to the effect of getting old and losing my memory and how did I like my present. How horribly mean was that!? So, I went out that night and bought myself a new computer chair. I figure the $5 chair lasted for 15 years, it was time for a new one.

I know, you’re thinking “wow… what did you do that caused that?” and I don’t have an answer for you…

Well, what else… oh, my trucks transmission went out. I’m trying to save the money to get it fixed. Horribly expensive. Nothing is cheap in Hawaii.

Not everything is always bad with my family. We went camping last month and it was awesome. Had a great time! And other good things have happened. But here, I write about the bad or depressing items to work them out in my head and get them out so I can move on with whatever it is I should really be thinking about.

Oh, and there’s a whole new development, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet. A lot of memories and reminiscing. But… later…

For now, remember that life is a bottle of Tabasco. What you do now will burn your ass later…

…nice ride…

Almost forgot about my nice little Sunday bike ride.  Took Xson2 and daughter2 on a bike ride down around the harbor on Sunday.  Nice little ride.  Great bike route.  We stopped at the bike shop and they looked at bikes.  Xson2 has saved up a little money ($500) and didn’t know what to spend it on, now he’s considering a bike.  Cool.

I like my bike.  This is good and healthy for me…

…yeah holidays (sarcastically)…

…so, another holiday come and gone.  Daughter1 went to friends for fireworks.  Wife took daughter3 for walk to watch fireworks.  I got ready for work and went to bed.

I commuted to work via bicycle for the first time today.  Feels good.  Saving money.  Saving gas.  Spending calories.

Wife nervous about my mom coming out.  Mom will be here for a couple weeks.  My brother lives nearby, so she won’t be staying at either place the whole time, she’ll be sharing her time between us.  But, my wife’s already worrying herself sick and into a frenzy for no reason (at least from my perspective.  if I could adjust myself to her point of view, add empathy, and get inside her head to see what was really bugging her; I might have a better understanding of her concern).

And, daughter1 still hates my guts.  We went for a bike ride together to find the cellphone that had apparently dropped out of her pocket (note: phone was picked up by some other kids at a park my daughter says she didn’t go to).  Anyway, she’s 12 and if you’re under 18 here you have to wear a helmet.  She doesn’t have one (because she complained to her mom about the last 3 so she wouldn’t have to wear them, so my wife is convinced that they just don’t make one that fits her head), so I told her to wear mine.  She almost cried.  Then she said no.  Then she said it was f***ing stupid.  Then she said I was an f***ing a**hole.  I stood my ground and didn’t let up, didn’t yell, didn’t exchange insults.  Simply said that she’s required to by law, and that she’ll wear one atleast when riding with me.  So, she hates my guts…

…I am an a**hole and I hate my life, but feel good about how I handled the helmet issue.

My wife is starting medifast today.  I may start it next payday.  We’ll see.

Until later, have a better day than me…

Oh, and I made it through the 4 1/2 day weekend without any alcohol!!!  I can’t even remember how many weeks it’s been now!!!  Getting to that stage where I don’t even think about it when I’m around it…