…in case you haven’t seen it…

Here’s a pic of my bike.

…at least I know I can always pedal the melancholy away… (forced half grin)

Oh, other changes I eluded to in the last post? I’m still persuing my degree. Finished a couple more classes. C++ and Technical Writing. I have two classes left. General Chemistry and Calculus II. Then I’ll have my BSAST. Pretty cool. Don’t know when I’m going to take the CalcII, but it will be this year. My Chemistry class starts next week.

Still haven’t fixed my truck transmission. I like riding the bike too much. I am aware of my laziness and if I fix the truck, I likely will drive the truck. Still haven’t sold it either. Hmmmm. Spent a little money fixing up my Jeep. It is still not running either, but it is closer than it was. It’s been a three year project (so far).

I got into HAM radio at the start of the year. I took and passed my Technician class exam in January, then the General class exam in February. With the code requirements removed, I am now a General Class HAM radio operator. Got a cheap handheld, a Yaesu FT-60R. Works pretty good.

Haven’t played much poker. I have noticed that the less I play, the worse I play when I do play.

Other than that, check out my new blog over at back2dabike to see what I’ve been up to.

http://back2dabike.wordpress.com

Mahalo.

…catching up…

Well, it’s been awhile. I started this when I was working through some issues and this was a good outlet to discuss issues and thoughts in ‘private’. Ironic, I know. In doing all that, you can see in some of my previous posts, I bought a bicycle.

Life changing.

I hadn’t realized how much I missed riding until I got back on the saddle. As far as hobbies go, this one has overtaken most of my more minor obsessions and has left me with more focused goals, for the better.

Other changes? Well, x-wife moved back to mainland, and sure enough – I haven’t heard from daughter2 except when the ex wanted something. No calls. Won’t talk when I call. No cards. No thank-you’s for the cards I send. And visitation? ha. The ex has ‘coincidentally’ scheduled my sweet girl’s summer full of activities and camps and clubs so that I would be a real monster (her words) to take her away from those just so I could selfishly (her words) see my daughter for a few weeks. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, I could take legal action. Yeah, there is more to it. Nah, I’m not going to spend 5 pages talking about it all here.

Work is good. My weight is better. And I’m happier.

On to the selfish reason for updating this blog… I have a new one. Just for my biking.

http://back2dabike.wordpress.com/

To sound cliche, you can see the new me there…

Oh, other updates… over a year now without a drop of alcohol, and much better for it! Still fanatically addicted to coffee, though.

…catching up…

…so it’s been awhile since I posted… last one was 1st week of July.

Well, still no drinking or smoking or carbonated beverages. Still drinking a lot of coffee. Still hate my life, just not as much. Things are improving. Slowly. But improving.

I woke up totally depressed this morning. Can’t seem to shake it. I write here when I’m troubled and depressed. So, that should mean that the last few months have been better. And they have, mostly. Here’s the quick rundown on the ups and downs:

Still biking. In fact I did 50 miles in the Honolulu Century Ride in Sept! Logging about 200 miles a month on the bike between commuting and weekend rides. I’ve started planning a bicycling tour of the big island next spring. I haven’t found anyone who is interested in going yet. I’m still trying to develop a new network of friends who share biking as an interest. By that I mean, I … well … ok, so I’m not trying. I enjoy riding by myself mostly.

The X-wife and x-best friend and all the kids moved to Georgia in early Sept. I miss seeing my daughter, but the move will be better in the long run for all involved. My wife is less stressed about having to see the X all the time at the store and driving around.

My wife and I are doing slightly better. She did the MediFast thing for about 2 weeks. It was rough, but she lost about 10 lbs. Then she quit the diet. We still sleep in seperate rooms. She sleeps with the baby in the baby’s room. The baby used to sleep with us, but wouldn’t sleep the whole night. I say baby, but she’s already 19 months old. Point is, I convinced my wife that the baby should sleep in her own room. We can use a baby monitor and everything. So, she does now. So does my wife. It was depressing for a couple months, but I’m used to it now. Once in a while, she will come and lay down with me for an hour or two until the baby stirs. And she is still breastfeeding. The baby is huge. She’s tall and big and can say basic words. It gets creepy (to me) when a child can get up from her toys, walk across the room, climb into my wifes lap, pull my wifes shirt down, say “milk.milk.milk”, and go to town. But I’m an a**hole and have issues with nurturing because I don’t think that’s normal. So, I should get counseling. More counseling. There’s more on similar subjects, but I have a lot to cover here…

My daughter1 and I are getting along better. I walked into the living room last week, and she didn’t get up and leave. After about 20 minutes, SHE started a conversation with me! I couldn’t believe it. She still ignores me on the days that matter, just to make sure I don’t think she actually cares. My birthday was on the 3rd. Neither my daughter or my wife got me anything or said happy birthday. I bought my own cake that night. They went to different rooms to eat theirs. My wife did give me a card that said something to the effect of getting old and losing my memory and how did I like my present. How horribly mean was that!? So, I went out that night and bought myself a new computer chair. I figure the $5 chair lasted for 15 years, it was time for a new one.

I know, you’re thinking “wow… what did you do that caused that?” and I don’t have an answer for you…

Well, what else… oh, my trucks transmission went out. I’m trying to save the money to get it fixed. Horribly expensive. Nothing is cheap in Hawaii.

Not everything is always bad with my family. We went camping last month and it was awesome. Had a great time! And other good things have happened. But here, I write about the bad or depressing items to work them out in my head and get them out so I can move on with whatever it is I should really be thinking about.

Oh, and there’s a whole new development, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet. A lot of memories and reminiscing. But… later…

For now, remember that life is a bottle of Tabasco. What you do now will burn your ass later…

…nice ride…

Almost forgot about my nice little Sunday bike ride.  Took Xson2 and daughter2 on a bike ride down around the harbor on Sunday.  Nice little ride.  Great bike route.  We stopped at the bike shop and they looked at bikes.  Xson2 has saved up a little money ($500) and didn’t know what to spend it on, now he’s considering a bike.  Cool.

I like my bike.  This is good and healthy for me…

…yeah holidays (sarcastically)…

…so, another holiday come and gone.  Daughter1 went to friends for fireworks.  Wife took daughter3 for walk to watch fireworks.  I got ready for work and went to bed.

I commuted to work via bicycle for the first time today.  Feels good.  Saving money.  Saving gas.  Spending calories.

Wife nervous about my mom coming out.  Mom will be here for a couple weeks.  My brother lives nearby, so she won’t be staying at either place the whole time, she’ll be sharing her time between us.  But, my wife’s already worrying herself sick and into a frenzy for no reason (at least from my perspective.  if I could adjust myself to her point of view, add empathy, and get inside her head to see what was really bugging her; I might have a better understanding of her concern).

And, daughter1 still hates my guts.  We went for a bike ride together to find the cellphone that had apparently dropped out of her pocket (note: phone was picked up by some other kids at a park my daughter says she didn’t go to).  Anyway, she’s 12 and if you’re under 18 here you have to wear a helmet.  She doesn’t have one (because she complained to her mom about the last 3 so she wouldn’t have to wear them, so my wife is convinced that they just don’t make one that fits her head), so I told her to wear mine.  She almost cried.  Then she said no.  Then she said it was f***ing stupid.  Then she said I was an f***ing a**hole.  I stood my ground and didn’t let up, didn’t yell, didn’t exchange insults.  Simply said that she’s required to by law, and that she’ll wear one atleast when riding with me.  So, she hates my guts…

…I am an a**hole and I hate my life, but feel good about how I handled the helmet issue.

My wife is starting medifast today.  I may start it next payday.  We’ll see.

Until later, have a better day than me…

Oh, and I made it through the 4 1/2 day weekend without any alcohol!!!  I can’t even remember how many weeks it’s been now!!!  Getting to that stage where I don’t even think about it when I’m around it…

…expensive…

…so, I just paid for my first ever college textbooks.  Holy Crap!!!  No wonder I joined the Navy and didn’t go to college – books are expensive.  The Navy is paying for my tuition costs, but I had to shell out $160 for a book with CD (used) and a student guide manual.

This is for one course.  But, I suppose many of you already know this.  I’m just catching up and am in a little bit of shock.

Just have to remind myself that I’m only taking one course a semester, and there’s only 3 left after this first one…

…gotta love work experience credit…

…changes…

…so, my wife and I had a little bit of a talk (polite and constructive).  We both agreed that changes need to be made by both of us (all three of us really), even if we don’t agree on what changes need to be made or how to make them.

What does that mean?  Well, it means that we were able to agree that all three of us had weight problems, that all three of us have social issues, and that all three of us need help of various kinds.  What we couldn’t agree on is how to make those changes or exactly what needed to change.

For now, my efforts to get back in shape have been unsuccessful.  I need something different.  Something I know worked for me in the past.  Well, back in 1986 I bought a Raleigh Pursuit 12 speed that I rode everywhere.  I was totally in love with that bike and with riding.  I sold it 2 years later and have regretted it since.  I weighed 165 lbs (at same height of 6′4″) when I sold the bike and have steadily gained weight since up to my current 265 lbs.

So, Saturday I’m buying a bike for commuting to and from work.  I’ve poked around and have (so far) settled on a Specialized Sirrus hybrid.  I’m getting a new one for $499.  It’s not too expensive, should be durable enough for daily riding.  I can store it in my shop, and there are shower facilities at work.

My wife has decided to go on MediFast.  I think this will work.  Another neighbor has been on it for a while and has dropped a total of 110 lbs.  My wife has already been seeing a counselor, and I’ve agreed to do more than my weekly group meeting.  My daughter has been seeing a psychiatrist, and will continue (though I’m not sure sitting in front of a light is the appropriate therapy for her. I don’t see how that helps her social issues such as inconsideration, laziness, selfishness… ok I shouldn’t be doing this).

In summary, I’m going to get some one on one counselor time, start riding a bike again to get back into something I loved so long ago, and we’re all going to make an effort to lose weight.

All I have to do is learn to live with a dirty house or make time to clean it myself…

…the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…

…quiet watch…

…so, I'm just sitting around enjoying a nice quiet Memorial Day weekend.  Nothing too exciting.  Went for a drive to a Kaneohe beach last night.  Very nice.  Very quiet.  My sweet little 14 month old girl decided she didn't like the taste of the little hawaiian acorns.

The ex called.  Says my daughter finally learned to ride her bike without training wheels.  That's cool.  I'll have to go by and see her this week to watch her ride her bike.  If it's like anything else she's learned to do, she'll be all smiles for days and want to show off for everyone.  She's so cute.

Really, all three of my girls are sweet and cute in their own ways.

Anyway, I have spent my free time over the last week buffing up on my html.  I have given up on my Dreamweaver program.  Sites that promote open source code have inspired me to go back to the 'old-days' of hand coding.

I've taken up XHTML and CSS.  With these you can build absolutely beautiful sites, with not a lot of hand coding frustrations.  I got into using Dreamweaver because I got tired of hand coding table layouts.  Now I'm free.

Hopefully soon I'll be uploading my first template to openwebdesign.org.

What else… well, I did apply for a part time job.  Yes it will totally suck.  No, I'm not going to say more about it yet…

For now, I'm going to make some coffee and watch some t.v…