…short update…

Well, I still haven’t fixed my truck transmission. However, I have cleaned out the garage, built two workbenches, and organized everything – so at least I have space to start fixing it. That project is coming closer and closer. Of course, not driving it has been great. However, I have enjoyed the savings in gas from not driving the truck. It’s been a year to the month, and I used to spend almost $200/mo in gas to drive the truck. So, the transmission is essentially paid for in gas savings.

Let’s see, other news… ummm… oh, yeah – I had shingles in late July and most of August. That was loads of fun. I couldn’t ride my bike for three and a half weeks. I finally started riding my bike again after the shingles cleared up, and then I sprained my right knee. So, I’m waiting for that to heal up. I pulled my MCL, the ligament on the inner side of my knee. I’ll be getting an x-ray and an MRI this week to see if there is any other damage. But, still can’t ride the bike.

I finished my chemistry class. I only have one class left to get my degree. I haven’t started it yet. I’m thinking early next year. Too much other stuff going on, and this last class, Calculus II, will be the hardest one.

I’m getting my pilot license. I’ve had 4 flights so far. This is something I should have done years and years ago. So much fun. Amazing. Possibly a backup plan for after I retire from the Navy.

I have quit trying to maintain contact with my daughter2 (lives in Georgia with my ex). My ex was awful. She absolutely drove the poor girl to tears every time I called. She had to have me on the speaker phone, and would only say what her mom was telling her to say. What a bunch of crap. So, I was never even talking to her, I was really talking to my ex. The emotional strain was horrible. She doesn’t need that kind of pressure and conflict. I finally decided that she would be better off if I just never called… Anything anyone will say about how I am not trying hard enough or doing the right things did not see what was happening. I’d rather she grow up hating me and thinking I gave up than suffer the constant emotional abuse from her mother. As far as karma goes, I’m sure this will come back to bite later. This will be a big old karma sandwich I’ll have to choke down. My only hope is that after she is out on her own, I can make contact and start repairs to the relationship. If not, I’ll have to live with that.

Other than that? Well, I’ve been sober for over 17 months now. Not a drink. After you balance the ledger with the good and the bad, the balance comes out that I’m doing good…

…expensive…

…so, I just paid for my first ever college textbooks.  Holy Crap!!!  No wonder I joined the Navy and didn’t go to college – books are expensive.  The Navy is paying for my tuition costs, but I had to shell out $160 for a book with CD (used) and a student guide manual.

This is for one course.  But, I suppose many of you already know this.  I’m just catching up and am in a little bit of shock.

Just have to remind myself that I’m only taking one course a semester, and there’s only 3 left after this first one…

…gotta love work experience credit…

…my place…

…so, I’ve been reflecting over the last couple of weeks looking for something inspiring and thoughtful to write – and I am trekking down the karma path again.  I feel like my place in life is to get close to understanding; get close to a known, a truth, a full realization of an abstract definition… only to find that I kick the can of enlightenment out of my reach again (not out of sight – just to make it more painful).

The miserable point of this is that I don’t directly remove the knowledge and truth about the subject (life, love, marriage, work, happiness, how to tip at dinner theatre’s) right at that moment right before epiphany(sp?).  I find that I’ve kicked the can out of reach sometime before. Maybe days, weeks, or even years.  It just sits in wait as I constantly attempt to adjust my life and my ways – until the light starts to get brighter, then it springs forth as furious as the day the regret was born.  And again, I get zapped by the karma monster.

Well, anyway… here’s some good things to refocus my attention before I fully bake in the depression for the day:

I haven’t had any alcohol in over 9 weeks.

I started working on my degree finally.

My wife says that the only reason I haven’t cheated on her is that I haven’t had the opportunity.

(ok, that last one wasn’t good – but I just can’t shake it… and she said it 4 days ago.)

Back to the college… I’ve taken a few CLEP’s.  I’m amazed at how much knowledge about random stuff I’ve accumulated over the years.  I’m a high school graduate.  I turned 18 in boot camp (17 years ago).

I CLEP’d out of: Social Sciences and History (6sh), College Algebra (3sh), English Composition (6sh), English Composition with Essay (6sh), Humanities (6sh), and Introductory Psychology (3sh).  Yep, I passed them all.  Tomorrow I take Introductory Sociology.  Then I take the courses that I know I can’t CLEP out of:  Calculus II, General Chemistry, Statistics, and Computer Programming.

Ok, that worked.  I’m sufficiently refocused.  Then I’ll be the 4th out of 5 in my immediate family to get a degree (even though I’m the oldest kid).  My Mom and younger brother both have Masters Degree’s, and my Dad has a BA.  Mine will be a BSAST (Bachelor[sp?] of Science in Associated Science Technology with a major in Nuclear Engineering Technology).  Of course, my Mom’s Masters in Education looks impressive and my younger brother is a lawyer.  So, maybe I’ll have to get a second degree.  That just leaves my youngest brother.  He’s in finance and is the smartest of all 5 of us.  He gets too easily bored with the general subjects.  I’ll have to talk to him about the CLEP’s.

Well, this was good therapy.  I feel better and need to shower and get ready for work.  This blog thing is good therapy.

…oh, and to help get the karma can moving down the field in the other direction, I helped my daughter1’s friend’s mom out by fixing a flat…

…but, don’t let me forget to talk about daughter2 and ex-son2 – just not right now… 

…unsettled…

…wow, really tense today.  I mean right on the edge of agitated.  Can’t shake it.  Atleast I’m not floating around through the day drifting through half a dozen unfinished projects.  A tense, agitated, somber mood invokes the ability to concentrate and focus.

So, I’m actually accomplishing minor projects, meaning I’m completing them with some level of order and direction.

I drink a LOT of coffee…  didn’t realize just how much before.  With no alcohol, no nicotine ( I haven’t smoked or dipped in over a year), does coffee have a larger role in my daily mood?  Does it play a larger part in guiding my emotions and reactions?

Hmmmm…  things to think about.

I need another job.  Not change jobs, I love the Navy.  I mean a supplemental part-time income.  I’m on shore duty for a couple more years, and my hours are not too tough.  I suppose I could do customer service somewhere.  I’ll just have to watch my language.

Really, it’s either get a second job or take out a loan to pay for gas.  I mean – wow… what is going on?  Is there a conspiracy to drive people towards the alternative fuel and electric vehicles due to lackluster sales?  They’ve invested tons of money in the technology, too much to have sales of these alternative vehicles show up as barely a blip.

Personally, I’m interested in the big engine muscle cars.  But, it costs me.

…so, a second job…

“Welcome to WalMart”

…shipmates : R122057ZMAY06

…so I was reminiscing with an old shipmate today.  Amazing how things change.  I wish I had bought a house.  I remember when we were both talking about it 6+ years ago.  He did – I didn't.  He's renting it out now.  Plus getting more in allowance than his mortgage.  You ever feel like your life is set up to be one huge disappointment after another?  I believe somehow I'm doing it to myself, but how?…